dancing with the angels

so it's coming up on two years since my mom passed away and that is just crazy to think. it's been a tough two years, and things are still pretty tough, but i try to take each day as it comes. so much change has happened since then. since her death my home in pittsburgh just hasn't seemed like home. so slowly i have made my home down here in the south. i just feel so at home here. i am now living in an apartment, i am working and have transfered to Samford University. i can't believe all the changes sometimes. i also often wonder if my mom would be proud of me? i would hope so. some may think that because it's been almost a year since her death, i'd be getting better at dealing with it-but it turns out, i'm finally letting myself deal with it. so much reminds me of her. i have good days and bad ones, but i get through all of them...so i guess i've posted this blog (that i've had written for awhile) in memory of her...i love you mom.

moms are one of a kind. i'm sure everyone thinks their mom is the best; better than anyone elses, or maybe not, but i know i did. my mom was the strongest person i knew. no matter what came her way she dealt with it. she was diagnosed with breast cancer when i was just 13 and struggled off and on with various kinds from there. i went through a lot those years, wondering why it was my mom that had to be sick and why couldn't my mom go shopping with me, out to eat, to school events, and things of that nature. surely there was a reason for this...God has the bigger picture, right? that doesn't always help. my mom got really really sick the second half of my senior year, the doctors told her she had liver cancer and it was going to be a tough battle to fight this time. she didn't give up. she kept a smile on her face and tried every chemo known to man just so she could fight to be around for me and my little brother ian, who is now 16. the last couple months i helped take care of my mom a lot and it was something that i never imagine myself doing. who at the age of 18 thought they would take care of their 44 year old mom, not me! but it was in those times i realized what an amazing mother i had. no matter what pain she was going through she smiled and said she would be fine. she showed me strength and courage i'd never seen before. she was loved by everyone, lets face it-my mom had a smile that won people over and a personallity that people couldn't get enough of. i love her!

november 29, 2006 is when my mom passed away. i kinda of knew that day was coming...i'd talked about it with her and let her know that it was okay if she didn't want to do treatment anymore..she'd faught so long. but even tho i knew it was coming--i didn't know how to prepare myself for all the hurt. everyday i miss her--all the little things now seem so big. like calling her to check in, how many of us hate calling our parents to let them know whats up--and then they talk to us forever...i remember complaing...but now i'd give anything to hear her voice again. and hugging her, i wish i could hug he again, or talk to her about all the things that are going on in my life. it's the little things we take for granted that we need to charish while we still have them.

my mom was an amazing person and i can only hope i make her proud and turn out to be a great mom like her. i'll miss her everyday and so will many others...but a word of encouragement to anyone else who is going through something tragic...it will get better. God never gives us anything we can't handle...he puts people in our life that are there to help us get through tough things like this...so hold onto those people and know you can get through it. it's okay to miss the person, it's okay to talk about them a ton, and it's def. okay to cry...

thank you to all my friends who have been by my side and helped me get through this..thanks to my amazing boyfriend who has def. been a blessing as well.

i love you mom, miss you, and will continue to be strong just like you'd want me to be and still praising God!

...one day we can dance with the angels together!

((Joshua 1:9))